Sullivan`s Travels Page #4

I can easily hitch a ride out of there.

- Where do you live, Bermuda?

- You don't have to get funny.

I didn't ask you for a ride.

You can drop me anywhere.

Wait a minute. How's this?

Suppose you drop me off somewhere

and you go leisurely home...

and I'll pick up the car later.

That's what you call an idea.

You don't happen to operate

out of a booby hatch, do you?

You better drop me at the next corner and

take this bus back where you stole it from.

Don't talk nonsense. I left a note

saying I was taking the car...

- Or did I?

- It would be nice if you could remember.

Would be funny, though,

if they arrested me for taking it.

A panic.

Who does it belong to?

- Belongs to a picture director... a guy named Sullivan.

- Oh.

- You never heard of him?

- No.

He's made quite a few pictures.

Ants In Your Plants of 1939.

- Did he do that?

- Yeah. Did you see it?

- Yes.

- Well? Well, did you like it?

- Not much.

- Some people thought it was pretty good.

I don't care for musicals.

They hurt my ears.

I see. Well, did you like

Hey, Hey, in the Hayloft?

- Oh, I was crazy about that.

- I thought that would just about fit.

- You remember the scene where the two are in the hayloft?

- Perfectly.

And she made him close his eyes

and count three before kissing her.

- Yes, yes.

- And then the pig came out and he kissed the pig instead.

It was on a very high plane.

Then he fell through a hole

and sneezed at a horse.

And the horse sneezed

back at him.

Oh, that was

a wonderful scene.

Of course it was stupid, but it was

wonderful. Who directed that picture?

Don't you think with the world

in its present condition,

with death snarling at you

from every street corner,

that people are a little

allergic to comedies?

- No.

- Perhaps I didn't make myself clear.

Say, how come you know a picture

director well enough to borrow his car?

As a matter of fact,

I used to know most of those boys,

but naturally I don't

like to mention it in a suit like this.

As a matter of fact,

I used to be a picture director.

- Why, you poor kid.

- Don't get emotional. I'll be all right.

What kind of pictures

did you make?

- More along educational lines.

- Oh, no wonder.

There's nothing like a deep-dish movie

to drive you out in the open.

What are you talking about?

Film's the greatest educational

medium the world has ever known.

- You take a picture like Hold Back Tomorrow.

- You hold it.

- Did you ever meet Lubitsch?

- Yes.

Gee, I bet he wouldn't even

speak to you now.

- He spoke to me day before yesterday.

- Isn't that swell.

Funny, isn't it... to meet

your first picture director...

on the day you're leaving

Hollywood, all washed up...

even a washed-up director.

Don't get sympathetic.

I might make a comeback, you know.

That's what they all say.

Man that had my room ahead of me...

he was always going

to make a comeback.

He was a picture director too.

Then one day he shot himself instead.

They had to re-paper the room.

You wouldn't ever do anything

like that would you, big boy?

Not on your wallpaper.

What do you suppose that is?

Whatever it is, there's

absolutely nothing they can do.

Remember that.

- What did you say?

- I said there's absolutely nothing they can do.

- All right, you.

- All right yourself. Don't give it a thought.

Well?

Oh, good morning, sir.

- I'm so sorry.

- Good morning, sir.

- Ever seen this man before?

- That is Mr. Sullivan, sir,

- the owner of the alleged hot car.

- Then what's all the hullabaloo?

That's what I'd like to know.

- You John L. Sullivan?

- What about it?

- What's your occupation?

- Motion picture director.

- That right?

- Yes, sir.

Let me see

your driver's license.

- I haven't got it. Did you bring it?

- No, sir.

- Driving without a license, huh?

- Yes, isn't that terrible?

I suppose that calls for a dollar fine

and ten minutes in jail.

- You sure this is Sullivan?

- Oh, quite, sir.

- What are you doing in those clothes?

- I just paid my income tax.

- All right, but you don't drive that car without a license.

- Okay.

Let the girl out too.

She's getting bored in there.

How does a girl fit

in this picture?

There's always a girl

in the picture.

Haven't you ever been

to the movies?

Where's he taking us now?

Whose car is this?

- The same guy. Sullivan.

- Where's he taking us?

Down to the depot to buy you a ticket

and send you home. Stop fooling around.

- Who's buying me a ticket?

- Sullivan.

- What did I ever do for him?

- You bought him some eggs.

Oh. So you're

the washed-up director.

I'm afraid I exaggerated

that part of it a little bit.

What are you doing

in those clothes?

- I just pulled that one down at the police station.

- Huh?

I made up a joke.

Look, I'm not sore at you.

I'm sore at those cops

for dragging me all the way back here.

No matter where I start out for, I always

end up right back here in Hollywood.

You're a very nice girl, as a matter

of fact, and I'm glad to have met you.

If there's ever anything I can do

for you, I'd be delighted. Honestly.

- You mean that?

- Sincerely.

Then buy me some ham and eggs

before I bite you.

Home.

Where's the swimming pool?

You must have a swimming pool.

Right out here.

Outside dining room,

- barbecue...

- Hmm.

Pretty, isn't it?

Yeah.

There's the tennis court

up there,

grape arbor there,

and a grove there.

I guess that's about all.

- What are you looking

at me that way for?

- Hey, you big fathead!

- What's the big idea?

That's for your swimming pools

and your tennis courts...

and your limousines

and your barbecues.

That's for making fun of a poor girl

who only tried to help you,

- you big faker!

- Who made fun of you?

You did, with your stories of being

a washed-up director, you big clunk.

Oh, I did, did I?

Breakfast is served, sir.

- You might have shaved.

- I need these whiskers for my experiment.

- Yes, the noble experiment.

- You don't have to make any cracks.

I don't suffer and starve

because I like it, you know.

Neither does anybody else.

- I'm sorry.

- It's all right.

- I'm sorry I pushed you in the water too.

- I probably needed it.

- You certainly did.

- Did I?

I didn't mind you. As a matter of fact,

I had kind of a yen for you.

- You have?

- Not in that thing.

I liked you better as a tramp.

I can't help

what kind of people you like.

It's funny. I suppose

I ought to be very happy for you,

as if you'd just

struck oil or something.

Instead of that, I'm sore.

Don't frown.

You're making lines on your face.

You've taken all

the joy out of life.

I was all through

with this kind of stuff.

I knew I'd never have it,

but there was no envy in my heart.

I'd found a friend who swiped

a car to take me home.

Now I'm right back

where I started...

just an extra girl having

breakfast with a director,

only I didn't used to have

breakfast with them.

- Maybe that was my trouble.

- Did they ever ask you to?

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